On Divorce

A significant number of my friends are getting married this year, and I hope to make as many weddings that I'm invited to as possible. Though I'm happy for them and wish them well, I can't help but worry about the possibility that somewhere along the line, something will become irreconcilable and that some of these new unions might end in divorce. Granted, most of these friends getting hitched are of a particular social group where both bride and groom-to-be are evangelicals with similar worldviews... but that's not always enough right? Evangelicals have a lower rate of divorce, but the rate among all Christians, evangelicals included, is similar to the national average.

Where I'm coming from... I saw a few marriages fail during my Iraq deployment, whether it was divorce, infidelity, or both. I won't go into details because it's not my place, but it just caused me to be really disappointed in the human condition. Sure, it's a unique set of circumstances that 99% of American couples will NEVER have to face but at the same time, in this day and age you only have a 50-50 chance of making it through marriage, depending on what source you cite!

I don't want to come across as passing judgment or anything, and this ties back into the jealousy piece - I admit I'm a little jealous that some friends seem to have this figured out, and I know for certain that they're intelligent enough to avoid exercising poor judgment. I'm just cognizant that not everything goes according to plan, and I just wish that my friends can avoid suffering unnecessary heartaches and emotional devastation. A lot of this kind of bullshit and suffering from failed human relationships is the natural state of the world, but I think we can do better than that.

On Jealousy and Focus

I'll admit it: I'm jealous of my peers, other Asian American Christians in their mid-20's. I know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's just the perception that a lot of them are moving onto bigger and better things - they're successful in starting their careers, finishing up grad school, and/or getting married, while I moved back home right before Iraq, and in a lot of ways am stuck here due to my Army Reserve obligations.

I'm cognizant that deploying in and of itself is a remarkable achievement and that I've had a lot of interesting and unique experiences, I just feel like I've never quite had a singular long term vision put together of where I want to be... glimpses of greatness and good ideas, but nothing necessarily concrete, and even then I don't have the drive/will to see things completely through.

I am taking steps to improve upon this and drive towards a singular direction, using something I've always been good at - networking! One thing I'm doing is helping an old acquaintance I met playing airsoft revamp his online store in order to generate sales - back in undergrad I had expressed interest in opening my own business with the assistance of friends, but that never progressed beyond an idea, and now I'm actually getting involved with that kind of business stuff without risking my own capital... it's interesting, to say the least! Basically, I'm trying to monetize my interests, we'll see how that goes...

On Leadership

At this time a year ago (Valentine's Day) I was at the Embassy and FOB Prosperity in Baghdad. It was a nice stay: I flew around almost the entire country to get down to the embassy, I had nice accommodations, I got to watch Mubarak's resignation live with a friend a minute after we flipped on the TV... I got to celebrate my birthday with a great NCO, and I took the standardized portion of the Foreign Service Exam... I really can't complain about any aspect of the trip. That's not really what I wanted to talk about though...

I guess what I really wanted to express was how interesting it is to be in a leadership position within the Army Reserve. All my life, I feel like I've looked up to other people, seeking their advice and their approval, and now it's the flip side of the coin, and I have people looking up to me. Soldiers ending their sentences in "Sergeant" whenever they talk to me, considering I was a Specialist forever until last fall, is still taking some getting used to, but it's a meaningful change for me. It makes me more conscious that it's my turn to take care of other people, and it gives me more confidence - I'm prone to curl up into a shell when I'm under a lot of stress, but not as much anymore! When I was in Quantico for a few days for some joint training, I thought I would be completely intimidated by all the higher ranking NCOs Army-side, and the Marines... but I don't think I really was, and part of it came from actually having relevant Iraq experience.

Two years ago I went to the Army's "Warrior Leader Course," formerly the "Primarily Leadership Development Course" which is a lot cooler sounding I think... anyways, I'll be honest: I didn't get a whole lot out of the structured portions of the class. However, I learned a lot about the intangibles of leadership through interactions with the different instructors and observing their different leadership styles. My two "small group leaders" were very laid-back, yet purposeful about their instruction with us, and emphasized critical thinking over rote learning by the book. Sure we had to perform different tasks to standard, but it wasn't thumped over our heads unless their leadership made us do it... and in the end, our platoon performed the most effectively out of the six or so total in the class.

My goal, though I might screw up the execution, is to be professional while keeping my light-hearted nature intact, to fuse "Yaobert" more into "Sergeant Yao" if you will.

On friends, and 05-09 Civil Affairs/Psychological Operations AIT

It's interesting - I feel like I've put up certain barriers with the people I've met during my time in service, to avoid emotional attachment. In emails to old friends, I've characterized it as the difference between the people I fight alongside with, and the people I fight for... maybe it was to prepare myself in case one of us died or something, maybe I didn't want to make a firm association, I'm not exactly sure. When I visited Columbus for a Yellow Ribbon event, I reunited with colleagues from my time in Mosul and realized just how wrong I was, there doesn't need to be such a distinction!

Honestly, I'll be pretty damn happy when I can connect my circle of Army friends to my circle of old friends.

On a related note, I was talking to another friend, who had gone through AIT with me and deployed to Iraq a few months earlier, who informed me that one of our number had been blown up in Afghanistan - he survived, but basically his lower body was completely shattered by the blast... wow. I didn't know the guy very well, but it definitely hit closer to home. Another AIT friend was in a convoy where one of his close deployment buddies was killed when he stepped on an IED. I always thought it was kind of crazy that the vast majority of our class has deployed, I don't have an exact count but in the past two years I've seen countless pictures of my classmates overseas. One was awarded a commendation medal for valor, several have received combat action badges... and who knows what other wounds of war have occurred?

Super Bowl in Iraq

A few days before the Super Bowl last year, I was at the COS Sykes airstrip for some reason, possibly to drop off a PRT member going back home for a family emergency. I don't exactly remember that... but I do remember offloading several packs of beer that had been flown in for the Super Bowl. This was about the only alcohol that was actually authorized for soldiers to drink in country... two cans of beer during the Super Bowl, to be signed for and supervised by leadership, haha.

As for actually watching the Super Bowl? I slept instead, it was at 3-4 in the morning Iraq time... haha sleep is much more important! Unfortunately, apparently they served beer at lunch to soldiers who missed the actual viewing, and by the time I found out about that it was too late, nbd. I think I was able to catch up with all the ads on youtube, which is the best part of the Super Bowl anyway, and catch people's feedback about their favorites via facebook... thank God for a wired world!