This should be a good year.

I was looking through old pictures related to my bowling update when I came across a few good memories from seven years ago. A lot of things have happened in the past year, some rather unfortunate, but everything happens for a reason, and every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end right? At least that's how I fall asleep at night... haha in all seriousness though, I do think there are a lot of reasons have a sunny outlook in 2012.

Back when I used to have dreams at night (have not in a while) I used to dream of fixing and healing broken bonds and relationships, which kind of came crashing down. As a wise friend of mine tells me repeatedly, human relationships are my idol, and it's true! I think that human interaction is much more valuable than any kind of material wealth, and I'm aware that sometimes I try too hard. My Iraq experience has taught me to be better capable of juggling loneliness and lack of contact with familiar people, but it's still very important to cultivate our bonds and to be intentionally kind even to people who you're not getting along with - you never know if something irrevocable is going to happen.

Also, I recommend reading Jon's blog: http://porta-jon.blogspot.com

My First Mission!

January 24th, 2011 was the first time I ever stepped outside the wire for a mission. It was a pretty unique experience, going to Sinjar and Qataniyah along with DOS colleagues for their mission, I don't think I had a huge role to play in the whole thing. I'll finish this later... gotta sleep early!

One of the things that stood out to me was the large number of children in the local villages - seems like every street we passed had a couple of kids on it, and I had two big thoughts:

1) Al Qaeda in Iraq had targeted Qataniyah in 2007 with dump truck suicide bombs - essentially, they were targeting children. Absolutely disgusting.

2) Why weren't the kids in school?

Can't imagine living like this...

Something else that was kind of interesting - a lot of the locals had never met an Asian American soldier before, so one of the guys who spoke English translated a conversation for me, and a couple of them whipped out cell phones to take pictures with me. Kind of weird, I wonder if that's what celebrities deal with... haha.

On Second Chances

The ball whizzed through the lane at an extreme velocity. The hardwood lane was no match for the strength of the man who was bowling! As the ball traversed the 60-foot length of track to the pins... it ended up in the gutter. The pins were safe, this turn. I chuckled at the failed effort, but then the bowling sage spoketh:

"That's the thing I love about bowling, you always get a second chance."

He patiently waited for the ball to return to the rack. Again, he attempted to vanquish his foes! His arm extended backwards as he prepared his special delivery, 12 pounds of plastic and urethrane! The ball leaped into the lane upon command, exhibiting its master's signature spin, and smashed with righteous fury into its opponents! A diagonal slash was displayed on the score screen... spare! Redemption!

Much like bowling, I think that life also offers the opportunity for second chances. Yes, things can get serious, and maybe things might not ever be the same again, but I still believe that redemption is always there, if people choose to use it. A lot of things happened in Iraq, and at the time I was extremely burdened with everything emotionally and whatnot, but since then, I don't think I'm all that mad at people who I perceived to have put me in a tough spot. We all reacted to the deployment in different ways, and we're only human - if I didn't grow from the experience, I gained a lot of insight at the very least.

Shoulder Sleeve Insignia - Former Wartime Service

Funny how a little piece of cloth can have huge significance in our lives. Basically, the SSI-FWS is something you earn from deploying to a combat zone (combat patch on your right shoulder) and you typically wear the patch of the unit you were assigned to.

For me, I looked forward to earning my first patch, and got it a week or so after I arrived in Tal Afar. Nothing formal, just asked the military guys if I could get one, and they told me I could have had one as soon as I arrived. Formerly the policy was 30 days, but it changed because of soldiers dying as soon as they arrived in theater or something like that. This particular patch is the Army's 3rd Infantry Division, and I will always treasure it.

On Rest

Yesterday morning I submitted my first job application since I got back from Iraq! I feel like taking the time to decompress and not really do anything has been really helpful. I know not everyone makes the transition successfully, and I wonder if it's because they didn't get the space they needed.

On Weddings and Photography

One of my closest friends got engaged recently, and I (as well as many others) am extremely happy and excited for him. We've been talking about it, and agreeing that it's crazy (in a good way) how things turned out this way, and in my words I think it's a certain kind of unexpected blessing, but a blessing nonetheless! I am so glad that God has given him the wisdom and maturity to figure these things out, and for our friendship over these years. Other friends are getting ready to marry as well so it's looking like 2012 will be a year of great blessings and joy! I only hope I can help them celebrate in some fashion whether it's taking pictures or simply showing up, it's the least I can do.

I'm not sure if this is the most appropriate place to put this, but one of the reasons I photograph people is as an attempt at selflessness on my part - I feel like I need to be more intentional about being kinder as opposed to taking advantage of other people's hospitality, but sometimes it's too much, gotta find that balance! Anyways, it's important to capture moments and memories, and I know I've taken a damn good picture when it gets reused on facebook or other online medium. I try to be intentional about snapping good portraits of other people, as opposed to simply getting self-portraits in different touristy locations. For example, with the military police unit escorting us out on PRT missions, I tried my best to get good shots of them soldiers to express my appreciation for what they did - part of it was feeling guilty that I was able to take off my body armor to attend meetings and whatnot, while they sucked it up in full battle rattle the whole time. Granted, I had a specific job to do, and so did they, but I still felt like it was the least I could do.

Just a thought

I don't know why, but when I hear the sound of a helicopter flying by, whether it's Survival Flight in Ann Arbor, or a random traffic chopper around Troy, it makes me miss the sound of regular military aviation traffic on base.  Maybe it was something about my CHU shaking as Blackhawks landed at a nearby helipad, or the routine chopper operations, I dunno!

Flying back to base

On Racism

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/06/nyregion/pvt-chens-family-learns-more-about-hazing-by-fellow-gis.html?_r=2

Though I don't want to underplay this incident because it is very serious, I have to say that this is not the experience of all Asian Americans in the military. For myself in basic training and AIT, I don't think I experienced anything like that, and I certainly wasn't singled out for being Asian. It wasn't until I was getting ready to deploy to Iraq, in the mobilization process, that I really experienced anything, and even then it was more of the benign, Michael Scott variety - insensitive jokes that the teller thought was really funny, but really weren't.

Additionally, the Army's political correctness tool (Equal Opportunity) can be a very powerful means to make sure that racism stops in its tracks. People can lose their careers over saying the wrong thing, so I'm a little surprised it got to the point where they were making PVT Chen yell orders to the entire battalion... who in their right mind, with enough time in service to make it as a field grade officer, would abide that??? Oh, it's another Stryker unit... I don't really understand what's up with that.

Northern Iraq, January 2011

So what was it like in Tal Afar a year ago? Cold and wet! Puddles collected everywhere, and the roads were covered in mud more often in not - in fact, around the time I was learning to drive stick with vehicles, I got a truck stuck in the mud outside of our sleeping area, and spent at least 90 minutes trying to figure out how to get it out, took another soldier to help me get it out, haha. Also, every night my boots would be completely covered in mud, so I wore my old boots from basic training instead of a newer, more comfortable pair, just to avoid getting them excessively dirty.

So much mud!

I need to give proper thanks and gratitude to everyone who helped make my life easier out at COS Sykes - I've been constantly learning and had reinforced that no man can make it in this world alone, and most of my fellow PRT colleagues, along with several NCOs from the 6th Squadron, 8th Cavalry Regiment, really made my day-to-day routine bearable. Of course, there are people back home to thank too, but they already know who they are and have done more for me than I can ever pay back!

In the picture below - we had two 3161's (DOS contractor hirees that filled in for foreign service officers,) a BBA/linguist (already forgot his name, but he was quite a character,) a linguist, and a USDA agricultural advisor... and me! Albert Yao! haha

Tal Afar Branch Office Staff (taken at the main PRT) - I forgot my cool guy shades for this one

Look at all that MUD!

War is Complicated

Gonna take a break from the usual postings about Iraq, and talk about veterans issues from my perspective. I was eating dinner and checking the news, when I came across this article and it made me mildly uncomfortable:

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/03/9923187-ex-soldier-in-mount-rainier-killing-stationed-at-deeply-troubled-base

Although my initial thought was that MSNBC is kind of white washing most soldiers with a broad stroke, from observations it seems like Fort Lewis does indeed have a lot of issues - my personal experience was that I went there for over two weeks for the Warrior Leader Course, and while we were cleaning up around the training area on the last day of our field exercise... we found the remnants of a meth lab and called CID (United States Army Criminal Investigation Command) to investigate. I learned out that the Tacoma area is big on meth and other drugs, and I'm not sure if it's necessarily related to the military though it wouldn't be surprising.

I too don't want to be guilty of painting too many people over with one broad stroke, but the 2nd Infantry Division, where that soldier was from, does seem to have a lot of dysfunction - it produced the infamous killteam in Afghanistan that killed and mutilated Afghan civilians, and from what I gather was at least somewhat responsible for the deterioration of security conditions in Mosul long before I arrived there. It had been peaceful when General Petraeus and the 101st Airborne were conducting operations there in 2003, yet when elements of 2ID arrived, the terrorist groups operating there had been bold enough to virtually wipe out Mosul's police force at the time, circa 2004. Maybe they didn't have as many resources as General Petraeus, maybe they didn't practice counterinsurgency as well, I don't know.

Rolling Stone Killteam Article: very sensationalist, yet it needs to be read:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-kill-team-20110327

A friend with much military experience, stated his belief that a lot of the issues stem from the years of heaviest fighting in the war, coupling with the buildup of new Stryker-based units and lowering of standards in order to get enough people to fight, directly contributed to Stryker units seemingly having more issues than anyone else. He had also operated south of Mosul with the 101st in 2003, and when I asked him about contacts or information he could give me on the area for a mission I went out on, he said that his local contacts were all killed after 2ID took over.

With that kind of background, I'm not surprised by all the shenanigans that have been happening within that division and I don't want to condone murder... but I feel for the young men and women that get put into impossible situations and are expected to make something out of it.

It's sad that this kind of thing has to happen, and for young people to have to go through something so stressful as a deployment in the first place. Away from any semblance of normal social constructs, deployed life can be reminiscent of "Lord of the Flies" and people act in ways that they never would at home. I know this from first hand experience because I did a lot of things that I wasn't proud of over there (obviously nothing crazy) and looking back, I can tell that a lot of it was pressure to fit in with the group dynamic. I guess a general put it best, the issues that most young soldiers face and just how different their lives have diverged from that of mainstream America, particularly since less than 1% total of America's population have served during the past 10 years of constant war:

"At 24 years of age, a soldier, on average, has moved from home, family and friends and has resided in two other states; has traveled the world (deployed); been promoted four times; bought a car and wrecked it; married and had children; has had relationship and financial problems; seen death; is responsible for dozens of soldiers; maintains millions of dollars worth of equipment; and gets paid less than $40,000 a year." - General Peter W. Chiarelli

How do we deal with these issues, particularly PTSD? How do you teach someone so young to have integrity? What's the best way to characterize soldiers? I guess bottom line for me is, war is a complicated affair, and our policymakers are, on some level, blinded by their delusions of doing good in the world or righting some perceived injustice, whether it be Paul Wolfowitz or Samantha Power. I have a lot more thoughts, but I need to sleep - will finish up these thoughts later.

New Year's Resolution #1: Never Stop Posting!

COS Sykes NYE Party... yeah wasn't feeling it, haha

The title of my post is a reference to a catchphrase from the Something Awful forums, as well as my New Year's resolution to write more. I wasn't good about keeping a journal in Iraq other than my bimonthly newsletters to friends, so I'll make up for lost time here. I feel like not only is reflecting on my experiences good for self improvement, but I'll also be able to record more Iraqi memories before I forget them all.

Honestly, New Year's Eve 2010 wasn't great or anything - COS Sykes outside Tal Afar was a big base in terms of real estate, and once housed thousands of US troops when Iraq was completely melting down circa 2005-2006, but by the time I got there it was down to roughly 400-450 people, and the base was shutting down any day - eventually it happened that the base wasn't officially closed until July, but I don't think anyone knew when exactly the big day would happen. In fact one of my responsibilities was to help shut down the PRT branch office operations... a big pain in the ass, but that's a story for another day.

In any case, being my second day on base and still getting used to things... I wasn't really feeling the New Year's spirit, haha. I showed up to the official base party just to take a look around, and there was about a dozen or so soldiers and other people... not knowing anyone was kind of a drag, so I ended up leaving the party and going to sleep early, haha.

My office trailer

The State Department had its own little office compound that I ended up managing as part of my "Operations" responsibilities. For example, if the roof started leaking in the conference trailer, I called KBR to get it fixed, among other responsibilities! What was nice was DOS had their own contracted civilian internet for this office compound - it was nice because the alternative would have been paying around $100 a month out of my own pocket from a local contractor, oftentimes I would stay late at the office to go online and talk to friends. Another thing that helped was that my coworkers were very helpful for the most part, and I worked for a great boss. Apparently they used to have two people covering my responsibilities (a lieutenant colonel and a staff sergeant at one point in time) and then