Favorite Movie(s)

The other day, Arthur asked me what my favorite movie was, and it's something I still haven't figured out! I'll list several movies in individual "favorite" categories:

Favorite movie in terms of cinematography/technicality: Inglorious Basterds
The scene that made this movie for me was at the end when a movie projector projects the black & white image of a woman (who just died) onto a cloud of smoke from a fire, giving her a ghastly appearance as she taunts her victims in death.

Favorite sentimental movie: What Dreams May Come
Robin Williams literally goes through hell to look for his wife and save her!

Favorite action movie: Die Hard
The dialogue, the characters, and the action are top-notch.

Favorite movie overall: Stay tuned!

I Come Alive in the Night Time.

I enjoy driving down empty streets at night, there's a certain atmosphere and strangeness to it when most signs of human life and activity freeze. I used to do this often, traveling between Ann Arbor and Troy, and it was interesting to do it again in LA with Ivan in addition to hanging out with the old crew. I got a few things to take care of in the morning so I shouldn't be up this late, but I'm still making the readjustment back to Eastern time.

I could see myself hanging out in Socal with the old film/skit crew if my path in life branches down the right fork. but right now I don't think that's in the works. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the DC area, but life is a strange and unpredictable affair right? Gotta make the most of it, treasuring the high parts and learning from the lows.

The Plan!

Just wanted to get it straight in my head:

Option 1: Submit grad school application for January, transfer units
Pros: Start new life sooner
Cons: Will have less of a financial padding, more urgency to get my stuff together

Option 2: Work first as a firearms, do more Army training, apply to grad school for September, transfer units
Pros: More financial padding, longer time to consolidate my belongings
Cons: May be hectic, start new life later

Option 3: Deploy in December, apply to grad school whenever deployment ends
Pros: More financial padding, more GI Bill benefits
Cons: Have to get on the battle roster, would still have to start again after

9/11/2011

Today marks a year since I landed back in the States from Kuwait. Feels good man.

The Fray - 1961

I really dig the bridge to this song:

"We're broken, we're battered
We're torn up and we're shattered
We turn back on each other
The moment that it mattered
The curtain is shaking
It's bending and it's breaking
And I'll be with you in the end (until the end)"

I just want to tear down some walls because I am tired of strife and conflict, but part of the problem is that I'm the one who caused them to be built in the first place...

On Iraq, Identity, and Loyalty

I know I haven't posted much here recently - my original idea for my blog this year was to rehash stuff that had happened in Iraq, and then reflect on it... but perhaps it has been more productive for me not to relive every single moment, and to move on from the worst of my experiences. I had a lot of bitterness stored up until late August, when I realized that it was literally making me sick and was able to release some of it in a cathartic fashion. Though the process was incomplete, it has allowed me to deal with more of the negative aspects of my life in a more healthy fashion, and practice forgiveness for a good friend.

I am still working on my plans to establish myself, and to become the man that God has intended for me to become. Part of it is finding balance in my identity, and seeing if there's a way to bridge "Sergeant Yao" and "Yaobert." Quite honestly, being in the presence of my old friends at two weddings and an engagement was extremely rejuvenating, and helped me to re-kindle a suppressed part of my "Yaobert" personality that I thought had largely died in Iraq - sure, I wasn't always happy in undergrad, but a lot of my happiness and ability to enjoy life had been largely dulled, I feel. Exploring a graduate school program in DC (nothing concrete, but I'm quite likely to enroll in it) has also been productive, and I will post future updates about that as I work out the details.

In discussions with a few good friends over the past year or two, "loyal" is an adjective that some have used to describe me. I must confess though, I strive to be loyal because it was only after I joined the Army Reserve that I was truly able to appreciate my past friendships and how poorly I had treated some of my best friends in the past. I hope I can fix them, but there's a distinct possibility that I may be three-four years too late... we'll see.

On Grace

I'm still here, I'm still standing right? I can't tangibly describe that feeling, but it's like going through the worst time of your life and kind of rebounding from it. It's refreshing to be trying different things and still going on somewhat of an adventure, but at home with friends.

July 17th, 2011

Probably the worst day of my life, but hey, I'm still here today.

On Memorial Day

Memorial Day means more to me now that I'm a part time soldier, and I would like to make it to DC sometime to observe the occasion. We lost a few people in Iraq during the final year, and I think it is important to remember what they gave up.

On Grudges

Today is the anniversary of the end of our national grudge against Osama Bin Laden, and I personally was talking to a senior NCO about one of my own personal grudges. It reminded me of a conversation with Josh Shyu - don't remember everything word for word now, but he said that I was the worst at holding grudges when we were talking about a past situation. I think it's a bit of both - I've changed and have been able to let a lot of things go, but there was shit that went down in Iraq that I may never forgive.

On Gratitude

These days, I find it really easy to get aggravated - slow drivers, red lights, etc. In particular, the Subway that I usually go to has a new crop of employees who are very inefficient in their sandwich artistry, to use polite terms... but then I think about how amused I used to be by people throwing a fit at Mickey D's, and I wonder if I've lost sight of how benign first world problems really are...

So I am thankful that:
- I have a job, even if it's not the most glamorous in the world
- I survived Iraq without PTSD or any other major injuries that I'm aware of
- Dad is still alive
- I still talk to two of my oldest friends in this life

60

Tonight, on my dad's 60th birthday, we went to visit him at the hospital. It's discomforting to me, knowing that I used to watch him play basketball at church 20 years ago and being full of vigor and energy, compared to how frail he is now. He's not lacking in determination, still walking around with his IV tether, but he's physically not the man he used to be and it's very tough for me to watch, and tougher to verbalize. When I came home on leave last year, it was surprising to me just how much age had changed him, and I didn't know how to deal with it... I still don't, for that matter.

On Relationships

God is clearly conspiring against me or something, because this shit is getting ridiculous - it's really funny, but it's really complicated!

On Loyalty

What does it mean, to be loyal? It's something that I try to pride myself on, my personal sense of loyalty to people, but what does it all really mean in the end? Is it something I maintain even if it's not the same for other people, and I may be let down? I think I figured this all out in Iraq, that I've accepted how I am about it and how I view it, but situations constantly arise that keep me on my toes... not a bad thing I guess.

Assyrian New Year - April 1st, 2011

KLANG KLANG KLANG KLANG
"Incoming Incoming Incoming!"

This was the most memorable rocket attack from the whole deployment - after we celebrated the Assyrian New Year at the PRT, I went back to my CHU (containerized housing unit) to relax and talk to people back home online. The first alarm went off, which I didn't mind...

BOOM!

The rocket must have landed really close because the explosion rattled my CHU pretty heavily. I stepped outside and turned right to look at my neighbor, and we both had the same expression on our faces.

"Uhhh we should probably run shouldn't we?" I asked.
"Yeah..."

We sprinted for the bunker behind our CHU neighborhood. More people joined us eventually who may not have been paying attention to the initial strike, and more rockets fell on the base as we all stood around inside our concrete refuge.

Not going to lie... it kind of sucked, haha.

On War

http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/22/supreme-court-takes-up-stolen-valor-case/

http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/24/new-study-gives-scope-and-cost-of-combat-related-conditions-among-veterans/

http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/23/reading-into-the-state-of-the-taliban/

http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/at-war-shout-back-the-sergeant-the-strain-of-war-and-a-call-for-your-thoughts/

http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/22/pentagon-says-u-s-citizens-with-terrorism-ties-can-be-targeted-in-strikes/

Of course, very few people will be interested in reading about this stuff, which is a big shame considering just how much issues with war, veterans, and the military affect the larger public, even if they don't perceive a direct correlation.

On Tal Afar

March 2nd is when I left Tal Afar, September 4th, 2011 is when I left Iraq, and September 11th, 2011 is when I landed back in the States - that means that it's been about six months since my tour ended, and a year since I helped (not to take all the credit) shut down the PRT branch office... crazy!

On Family

To be honest, I've never really been close to my extended family - cousins, uncles, aunts, whatever. I think a big part of that was growing up in the Midwest and being the only family in Michigan, while everyone else was on the East Coast at one point in time, before a few families moved to the West Coast. Since I joined the Army Reserve, I've had a lot more opportunities to visit family during training and whatnot, and I traveled on my own to the DC area before and after my deployment to Iraq... probably more in the past three years than the rest of my life combined!

Last week, me and a few buddies stopped by a Chinese restaurant a family member works at... and he pulled out all the stops - complimentary pop, discount on our bill, etc. to make us really feel welcome. I'll admit, I felt a little uncomfortable with the hospitality... is this what extended families do for each other? I don't really know, since I haven't really had that experience on a regular basis. It was really nice, and definitely an incentive to move to the DC area when I'm able.

On Fighting

This past week, I got my ass handed to me.

A lot.

It was a LOT of fun though, and I never thought I'd be interested in learning more about martial arts, hand to hand combat, and all of that stuff until I took Level 1 of Army Combative training. I'm by no means an expert but I've definitely learned a lot of useful stuff that'll save my ass, or at least prolong it, in a bare knuckle fight.

It was also really interesting, tapping into my raw aggression and adrenaline in a way that I don't really think I have, at least not for a while anyway. It's something we kind of hide or frown upon as a society, but isn't it really an integral part of the human experience?

On Divorce

A significant number of my friends are getting married this year, and I hope to make as many weddings that I'm invited to as possible. Though I'm happy for them and wish them well, I can't help but worry about the possibility that somewhere along the line, something will become irreconcilable and that some of these new unions might end in divorce. Granted, most of these friends getting hitched are of a particular social group where both bride and groom-to-be are evangelicals with similar worldviews... but that's not always enough right? Evangelicals have a lower rate of divorce, but the rate among all Christians, evangelicals included, is similar to the national average.

Where I'm coming from... I saw a few marriages fail during my Iraq deployment, whether it was divorce, infidelity, or both. I won't go into details because it's not my place, but it just caused me to be really disappointed in the human condition. Sure, it's a unique set of circumstances that 99% of American couples will NEVER have to face but at the same time, in this day and age you only have a 50-50 chance of making it through marriage, depending on what source you cite!

I don't want to come across as passing judgment or anything, and this ties back into the jealousy piece - I admit I'm a little jealous that some friends seem to have this figured out, and I know for certain that they're intelligent enough to avoid exercising poor judgment. I'm just cognizant that not everything goes according to plan, and I just wish that my friends can avoid suffering unnecessary heartaches and emotional devastation. A lot of this kind of bullshit and suffering from failed human relationships is the natural state of the world, but I think we can do better than that.

On Jealousy and Focus

I'll admit it: I'm jealous of my peers, other Asian American Christians in their mid-20's. I know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's just the perception that a lot of them are moving onto bigger and better things - they're successful in starting their careers, finishing up grad school, and/or getting married, while I moved back home right before Iraq, and in a lot of ways am stuck here due to my Army Reserve obligations.

I'm cognizant that deploying in and of itself is a remarkable achievement and that I've had a lot of interesting and unique experiences, I just feel like I've never quite had a singular long term vision put together of where I want to be... glimpses of greatness and good ideas, but nothing necessarily concrete, and even then I don't have the drive/will to see things completely through.

I am taking steps to improve upon this and drive towards a singular direction, using something I've always been good at - networking! One thing I'm doing is helping an old acquaintance I met playing airsoft revamp his online store in order to generate sales - back in undergrad I had expressed interest in opening my own business with the assistance of friends, but that never progressed beyond an idea, and now I'm actually getting involved with that kind of business stuff without risking my own capital... it's interesting, to say the least! Basically, I'm trying to monetize my interests, we'll see how that goes...

On Leadership

At this time a year ago (Valentine's Day) I was at the Embassy and FOB Prosperity in Baghdad. It was a nice stay: I flew around almost the entire country to get down to the embassy, I had nice accommodations, I got to watch Mubarak's resignation live with a friend a minute after we flipped on the TV... I got to celebrate my birthday with a great NCO, and I took the standardized portion of the Foreign Service Exam... I really can't complain about any aspect of the trip. That's not really what I wanted to talk about though...

I guess what I really wanted to express was how interesting it is to be in a leadership position within the Army Reserve. All my life, I feel like I've looked up to other people, seeking their advice and their approval, and now it's the flip side of the coin, and I have people looking up to me. Soldiers ending their sentences in "Sergeant" whenever they talk to me, considering I was a Specialist forever until last fall, is still taking some getting used to, but it's a meaningful change for me. It makes me more conscious that it's my turn to take care of other people, and it gives me more confidence - I'm prone to curl up into a shell when I'm under a lot of stress, but not as much anymore! When I was in Quantico for a few days for some joint training, I thought I would be completely intimidated by all the higher ranking NCOs Army-side, and the Marines... but I don't think I really was, and part of it came from actually having relevant Iraq experience.

Two years ago I went to the Army's "Warrior Leader Course," formerly the "Primarily Leadership Development Course" which is a lot cooler sounding I think... anyways, I'll be honest: I didn't get a whole lot out of the structured portions of the class. However, I learned a lot about the intangibles of leadership through interactions with the different instructors and observing their different leadership styles. My two "small group leaders" were very laid-back, yet purposeful about their instruction with us, and emphasized critical thinking over rote learning by the book. Sure we had to perform different tasks to standard, but it wasn't thumped over our heads unless their leadership made us do it... and in the end, our platoon performed the most effectively out of the six or so total in the class.

My goal, though I might screw up the execution, is to be professional while keeping my light-hearted nature intact, to fuse "Yaobert" more into "Sergeant Yao" if you will.

On friends, and 05-09 Civil Affairs/Psychological Operations AIT

It's interesting - I feel like I've put up certain barriers with the people I've met during my time in service, to avoid emotional attachment. In emails to old friends, I've characterized it as the difference between the people I fight alongside with, and the people I fight for... maybe it was to prepare myself in case one of us died or something, maybe I didn't want to make a firm association, I'm not exactly sure. When I visited Columbus for a Yellow Ribbon event, I reunited with colleagues from my time in Mosul and realized just how wrong I was, there doesn't need to be such a distinction!

Honestly, I'll be pretty damn happy when I can connect my circle of Army friends to my circle of old friends.

On a related note, I was talking to another friend, who had gone through AIT with me and deployed to Iraq a few months earlier, who informed me that one of our number had been blown up in Afghanistan - he survived, but basically his lower body was completely shattered by the blast... wow. I didn't know the guy very well, but it definitely hit closer to home. Another AIT friend was in a convoy where one of his close deployment buddies was killed when he stepped on an IED. I always thought it was kind of crazy that the vast majority of our class has deployed, I don't have an exact count but in the past two years I've seen countless pictures of my classmates overseas. One was awarded a commendation medal for valor, several have received combat action badges... and who knows what other wounds of war have occurred?

Super Bowl in Iraq

A few days before the Super Bowl last year, I was at the COS Sykes airstrip for some reason, possibly to drop off a PRT member going back home for a family emergency. I don't exactly remember that... but I do remember offloading several packs of beer that had been flown in for the Super Bowl. This was about the only alcohol that was actually authorized for soldiers to drink in country... two cans of beer during the Super Bowl, to be signed for and supervised by leadership, haha.

As for actually watching the Super Bowl? I slept instead, it was at 3-4 in the morning Iraq time... haha sleep is much more important! Unfortunately, apparently they served beer at lunch to soldiers who missed the actual viewing, and by the time I found out about that it was too late, nbd. I think I was able to catch up with all the ads on youtube, which is the best part of the Super Bowl anyway, and catch people's feedback about their favorites via facebook... thank God for a wired world!

Perspective

February 2nd, 2011 was the worst day of my life up until that point in time, haha. I was completely stressed out with trying to manage an event where we invited several Iraqis on base and getting them where they needed to go. "We updated our paperwork! You need this guy's signature! The facility is unavailable for use even though we had planned on this weeks ago! Don't let the Iraqis out of your sight!" It was a nightmare of getting pulled between military requirements and State requirements... basically it was too much, dealing with all that at once, being on a remote base that was kind of in the middle of nowhere, not really knowing anyone, and dealing with something way out of my league, on my birthday of all days! Yeah, eventually I got to celebrate after a few days with people I know, which was pretty cool, but the actual day itself? Absolute misery.

February 2nd, 2012: I'm a little under the weather, so I stayed in bed until the early afternoon. I think I can handle that.

This should be a good year.

I was looking through old pictures related to my bowling update when I came across a few good memories from seven years ago. A lot of things have happened in the past year, some rather unfortunate, but everything happens for a reason, and every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end right? At least that's how I fall asleep at night... haha in all seriousness though, I do think there are a lot of reasons have a sunny outlook in 2012.

Back when I used to have dreams at night (have not in a while) I used to dream of fixing and healing broken bonds and relationships, which kind of came crashing down. As a wise friend of mine tells me repeatedly, human relationships are my idol, and it's true! I think that human interaction is much more valuable than any kind of material wealth, and I'm aware that sometimes I try too hard. My Iraq experience has taught me to be better capable of juggling loneliness and lack of contact with familiar people, but it's still very important to cultivate our bonds and to be intentionally kind even to people who you're not getting along with - you never know if something irrevocable is going to happen.

Also, I recommend reading Jon's blog: http://porta-jon.blogspot.com

My First Mission!

January 24th, 2011 was the first time I ever stepped outside the wire for a mission. It was a pretty unique experience, going to Sinjar and Qataniyah along with DOS colleagues for their mission, I don't think I had a huge role to play in the whole thing. I'll finish this later... gotta sleep early!

One of the things that stood out to me was the large number of children in the local villages - seems like every street we passed had a couple of kids on it, and I had two big thoughts:

1) Al Qaeda in Iraq had targeted Qataniyah in 2007 with dump truck suicide bombs - essentially, they were targeting children. Absolutely disgusting.

2) Why weren't the kids in school?

Can't imagine living like this...

Something else that was kind of interesting - a lot of the locals had never met an Asian American soldier before, so one of the guys who spoke English translated a conversation for me, and a couple of them whipped out cell phones to take pictures with me. Kind of weird, I wonder if that's what celebrities deal with... haha.

On Second Chances

The ball whizzed through the lane at an extreme velocity. The hardwood lane was no match for the strength of the man who was bowling! As the ball traversed the 60-foot length of track to the pins... it ended up in the gutter. The pins were safe, this turn. I chuckled at the failed effort, but then the bowling sage spoketh:

"That's the thing I love about bowling, you always get a second chance."

He patiently waited for the ball to return to the rack. Again, he attempted to vanquish his foes! His arm extended backwards as he prepared his special delivery, 12 pounds of plastic and urethrane! The ball leaped into the lane upon command, exhibiting its master's signature spin, and smashed with righteous fury into its opponents! A diagonal slash was displayed on the score screen... spare! Redemption!

Much like bowling, I think that life also offers the opportunity for second chances. Yes, things can get serious, and maybe things might not ever be the same again, but I still believe that redemption is always there, if people choose to use it. A lot of things happened in Iraq, and at the time I was extremely burdened with everything emotionally and whatnot, but since then, I don't think I'm all that mad at people who I perceived to have put me in a tough spot. We all reacted to the deployment in different ways, and we're only human - if I didn't grow from the experience, I gained a lot of insight at the very least.

Shoulder Sleeve Insignia - Former Wartime Service

Funny how a little piece of cloth can have huge significance in our lives. Basically, the SSI-FWS is something you earn from deploying to a combat zone (combat patch on your right shoulder) and you typically wear the patch of the unit you were assigned to.

For me, I looked forward to earning my first patch, and got it a week or so after I arrived in Tal Afar. Nothing formal, just asked the military guys if I could get one, and they told me I could have had one as soon as I arrived. Formerly the policy was 30 days, but it changed because of soldiers dying as soon as they arrived in theater or something like that. This particular patch is the Army's 3rd Infantry Division, and I will always treasure it.

On Rest

Yesterday morning I submitted my first job application since I got back from Iraq! I feel like taking the time to decompress and not really do anything has been really helpful. I know not everyone makes the transition successfully, and I wonder if it's because they didn't get the space they needed.

On Weddings and Photography

One of my closest friends got engaged recently, and I (as well as many others) am extremely happy and excited for him. We've been talking about it, and agreeing that it's crazy (in a good way) how things turned out this way, and in my words I think it's a certain kind of unexpected blessing, but a blessing nonetheless! I am so glad that God has given him the wisdom and maturity to figure these things out, and for our friendship over these years. Other friends are getting ready to marry as well so it's looking like 2012 will be a year of great blessings and joy! I only hope I can help them celebrate in some fashion whether it's taking pictures or simply showing up, it's the least I can do.

I'm not sure if this is the most appropriate place to put this, but one of the reasons I photograph people is as an attempt at selflessness on my part - I feel like I need to be more intentional about being kinder as opposed to taking advantage of other people's hospitality, but sometimes it's too much, gotta find that balance! Anyways, it's important to capture moments and memories, and I know I've taken a damn good picture when it gets reused on facebook or other online medium. I try to be intentional about snapping good portraits of other people, as opposed to simply getting self-portraits in different touristy locations. For example, with the military police unit escorting us out on PRT missions, I tried my best to get good shots of them soldiers to express my appreciation for what they did - part of it was feeling guilty that I was able to take off my body armor to attend meetings and whatnot, while they sucked it up in full battle rattle the whole time. Granted, I had a specific job to do, and so did they, but I still felt like it was the least I could do.

Just a thought

I don't know why, but when I hear the sound of a helicopter flying by, whether it's Survival Flight in Ann Arbor, or a random traffic chopper around Troy, it makes me miss the sound of regular military aviation traffic on base.  Maybe it was something about my CHU shaking as Blackhawks landed at a nearby helipad, or the routine chopper operations, I dunno!

Flying back to base

On Racism

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/06/nyregion/pvt-chens-family-learns-more-about-hazing-by-fellow-gis.html?_r=2

Though I don't want to underplay this incident because it is very serious, I have to say that this is not the experience of all Asian Americans in the military. For myself in basic training and AIT, I don't think I experienced anything like that, and I certainly wasn't singled out for being Asian. It wasn't until I was getting ready to deploy to Iraq, in the mobilization process, that I really experienced anything, and even then it was more of the benign, Michael Scott variety - insensitive jokes that the teller thought was really funny, but really weren't.

Additionally, the Army's political correctness tool (Equal Opportunity) can be a very powerful means to make sure that racism stops in its tracks. People can lose their careers over saying the wrong thing, so I'm a little surprised it got to the point where they were making PVT Chen yell orders to the entire battalion... who in their right mind, with enough time in service to make it as a field grade officer, would abide that??? Oh, it's another Stryker unit... I don't really understand what's up with that.

Northern Iraq, January 2011

So what was it like in Tal Afar a year ago? Cold and wet! Puddles collected everywhere, and the roads were covered in mud more often in not - in fact, around the time I was learning to drive stick with vehicles, I got a truck stuck in the mud outside of our sleeping area, and spent at least 90 minutes trying to figure out how to get it out, took another soldier to help me get it out, haha. Also, every night my boots would be completely covered in mud, so I wore my old boots from basic training instead of a newer, more comfortable pair, just to avoid getting them excessively dirty.

So much mud!

I need to give proper thanks and gratitude to everyone who helped make my life easier out at COS Sykes - I've been constantly learning and had reinforced that no man can make it in this world alone, and most of my fellow PRT colleagues, along with several NCOs from the 6th Squadron, 8th Cavalry Regiment, really made my day-to-day routine bearable. Of course, there are people back home to thank too, but they already know who they are and have done more for me than I can ever pay back!

In the picture below - we had two 3161's (DOS contractor hirees that filled in for foreign service officers,) a BBA/linguist (already forgot his name, but he was quite a character,) a linguist, and a USDA agricultural advisor... and me! Albert Yao! haha

Tal Afar Branch Office Staff (taken at the main PRT) - I forgot my cool guy shades for this one

Look at all that MUD!

War is Complicated

Gonna take a break from the usual postings about Iraq, and talk about veterans issues from my perspective. I was eating dinner and checking the news, when I came across this article and it made me mildly uncomfortable:

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/03/9923187-ex-soldier-in-mount-rainier-killing-stationed-at-deeply-troubled-base

Although my initial thought was that MSNBC is kind of white washing most soldiers with a broad stroke, from observations it seems like Fort Lewis does indeed have a lot of issues - my personal experience was that I went there for over two weeks for the Warrior Leader Course, and while we were cleaning up around the training area on the last day of our field exercise... we found the remnants of a meth lab and called CID (United States Army Criminal Investigation Command) to investigate. I learned out that the Tacoma area is big on meth and other drugs, and I'm not sure if it's necessarily related to the military though it wouldn't be surprising.

I too don't want to be guilty of painting too many people over with one broad stroke, but the 2nd Infantry Division, where that soldier was from, does seem to have a lot of dysfunction - it produced the infamous killteam in Afghanistan that killed and mutilated Afghan civilians, and from what I gather was at least somewhat responsible for the deterioration of security conditions in Mosul long before I arrived there. It had been peaceful when General Petraeus and the 101st Airborne were conducting operations there in 2003, yet when elements of 2ID arrived, the terrorist groups operating there had been bold enough to virtually wipe out Mosul's police force at the time, circa 2004. Maybe they didn't have as many resources as General Petraeus, maybe they didn't practice counterinsurgency as well, I don't know.

Rolling Stone Killteam Article: very sensationalist, yet it needs to be read:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-kill-team-20110327

A friend with much military experience, stated his belief that a lot of the issues stem from the years of heaviest fighting in the war, coupling with the buildup of new Stryker-based units and lowering of standards in order to get enough people to fight, directly contributed to Stryker units seemingly having more issues than anyone else. He had also operated south of Mosul with the 101st in 2003, and when I asked him about contacts or information he could give me on the area for a mission I went out on, he said that his local contacts were all killed after 2ID took over.

With that kind of background, I'm not surprised by all the shenanigans that have been happening within that division and I don't want to condone murder... but I feel for the young men and women that get put into impossible situations and are expected to make something out of it.

It's sad that this kind of thing has to happen, and for young people to have to go through something so stressful as a deployment in the first place. Away from any semblance of normal social constructs, deployed life can be reminiscent of "Lord of the Flies" and people act in ways that they never would at home. I know this from first hand experience because I did a lot of things that I wasn't proud of over there (obviously nothing crazy) and looking back, I can tell that a lot of it was pressure to fit in with the group dynamic. I guess a general put it best, the issues that most young soldiers face and just how different their lives have diverged from that of mainstream America, particularly since less than 1% total of America's population have served during the past 10 years of constant war:

"At 24 years of age, a soldier, on average, has moved from home, family and friends and has resided in two other states; has traveled the world (deployed); been promoted four times; bought a car and wrecked it; married and had children; has had relationship and financial problems; seen death; is responsible for dozens of soldiers; maintains millions of dollars worth of equipment; and gets paid less than $40,000 a year." - General Peter W. Chiarelli

How do we deal with these issues, particularly PTSD? How do you teach someone so young to have integrity? What's the best way to characterize soldiers? I guess bottom line for me is, war is a complicated affair, and our policymakers are, on some level, blinded by their delusions of doing good in the world or righting some perceived injustice, whether it be Paul Wolfowitz or Samantha Power. I have a lot more thoughts, but I need to sleep - will finish up these thoughts later.

New Year's Resolution #1: Never Stop Posting!

COS Sykes NYE Party... yeah wasn't feeling it, haha

The title of my post is a reference to a catchphrase from the Something Awful forums, as well as my New Year's resolution to write more. I wasn't good about keeping a journal in Iraq other than my bimonthly newsletters to friends, so I'll make up for lost time here. I feel like not only is reflecting on my experiences good for self improvement, but I'll also be able to record more Iraqi memories before I forget them all.

Honestly, New Year's Eve 2010 wasn't great or anything - COS Sykes outside Tal Afar was a big base in terms of real estate, and once housed thousands of US troops when Iraq was completely melting down circa 2005-2006, but by the time I got there it was down to roughly 400-450 people, and the base was shutting down any day - eventually it happened that the base wasn't officially closed until July, but I don't think anyone knew when exactly the big day would happen. In fact one of my responsibilities was to help shut down the PRT branch office operations... a big pain in the ass, but that's a story for another day.

In any case, being my second day on base and still getting used to things... I wasn't really feeling the New Year's spirit, haha. I showed up to the official base party just to take a look around, and there was about a dozen or so soldiers and other people... not knowing anyone was kind of a drag, so I ended up leaving the party and going to sleep early, haha.

My office trailer

The State Department had its own little office compound that I ended up managing as part of my "Operations" responsibilities. For example, if the roof started leaking in the conference trailer, I called KBR to get it fixed, among other responsibilities! What was nice was DOS had their own contracted civilian internet for this office compound - it was nice because the alternative would have been paying around $100 a month out of my own pocket from a local contractor, oftentimes I would stay late at the office to go online and talk to friends. Another thing that helped was that my coworkers were very helpful for the most part, and I worked for a great boss. Apparently they used to have two people covering my responsibilities (a lieutenant colonel and a staff sergeant at one point in time) and then