Ugh.

How the hell does a kid who can't tell right from left get a security clearance, much less deploy? I thought I was a moron, but this guy takes the cake! Someone is going to get killed because he's an idiot, I'm just glad I'm not on his team.

Farewell

Can't sleep, and it's the last night in Michigan for a while. It's been fun all.

It's a Party in the USA.

On an airplane somewhere over the midwest, on my way back to DTW. Trips were a lot of fun, too bad they're over!

On Reading

I guess you can say I've become a pretty voracious reader lately. I've been focusing on military-themed books, maybe it'll help me find my voice for my own. I've been primarily focusing on GWOT-related books since the experiences of both wars are very relevant, and I'd like to see what other people were thinking when they went through their different parts of the fight, though I'm also aware that reading is no substitute for actual experience. I also think it's helpful to understand the thinking process of our recent past and present policy-makers.

Finished (started reading some of these last year):

- Fiasco: The American Military Adventure in Iraq, 2003-2005 (Thomas E. Ricks)
- Twice Armed: An American Soldier's Battle for Hearts and Minds in Iraq (R. Alan King)
- The Unforgiving Minute: A Soldier's Education (Craig M. Mullaney)
- Obama's Wars (Bob Woodward)
- House to House (David Bellavia)
- Waging Peace: A Special Operations Team's Battle to Rebuild Iraq (Rob Schultheis)

Started:

- Not a Good Day to Die: The Untold Story of Operation Anaconda (Sean Naylor)

In the queue:

- The Gamble: General Petraeus and the American Military Adventure in Iraq (Thomas E. Ricks)
- Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Roger Fisher & William Ury)

Wishlist:
- Horse Soldiers (Doug Stanton)
- Lone Survivor (Marcus Luttrell & Patrick Robinson)

I was never much for reading during college, pretty much the books I read were for checking the boxes on my way to a bachelor's. I feel like I got turned back on to the whole reading thing around August last year when a friend recommended a particular book to me, wasn't able to read it until I came back from AIT but I picked up the original book version of Blackhawk Down, and everything went downhill from there.

"Geardo, Gear Nerd, Gear Queer, etc."

I've been called such things by some of the other guys in my unit for having high speed stuff, but here's the problem:

- Due to varying issues, supply can't get us some of the nice things we need, like new magazines
- Even then, some of the "nice" things we do have... really aren't that great

We don't get issued actual Camelbaks, we get issued some third party derivative. It's nowhere nearly as well-built as Camelbak products (small access port, thinner tube, non-QD mouthpiece, etc.) and it shows in the issues I've had. One day the drinking valve just fell out of the tube when all I was doing was standing and drinking out of the straw.

Josh and Emily Quellet's Wedding Reception

It was a long drive over to Lake Michigan, and I regret leaving late, but the reception was definitely a lot of fun. It was nice to hang out with a slightly different crowd, I knew some of the guys from playing airsoft but not great because of the geographic distance. If there's one thing I guess that's kind of amusing about airsoft, it's the nicknames and handles that people associate themselves with, and I got a chance to catch up with some people who I haven't seen in a while. "BoredKender" is in basic training for field artillery but his wife and kids were there, "Cover" was the best man, "Crazyrabbit" just got back from Afghanistan, etc. Most of us used to be on the same "team" but several of us ended up joining the military so we really don't play anymore.

Favorite picture from the night, the groom Josh "Lucky" Quellet with one of BoredKender's kids:


I'm sure whoever reads my blog also views my flickr page, but here's the rest of the set that I've posted so far.

Sunrise

I see the sunrise a lot when I'm doing Army stuff because I'm actually required to get up earlier, but I've been doing some thinking about it this week.

When the sun first cracks over the horizon, there's a certain period of time as it's rising in the sky where you can still look at it with the naked eye, and the sky is all these different hues of orange, pink, and light blue. Then 20 minutes later it's bright enough for you to put your sunglasses on! It's kind of nice to look at every morning - even on rainy days sometimes you'll still catch a glimpse of the sun rising.

Here we go!

Crazy! Leaving Michigan in October! I'm glad that plans got sorted out for now, and I'm sure every soldier who's never deployed before goes through this, but I just have the full spectrum of emotion going on - excitement, caution, contentment, cynicism, regret, etc.

First week of Fort Dix

Quick summary:

Two weekends ago I was at Fort Snelling in Minneapolis, got to go to the Mall of America which was pretty cool. Got to Fort Dix on Monday. Been doing some miscellaneous Army classes, haven't really gotten to the fun part yet. It's been hot.

Avenged Sevenfold - Gunslinger

I just found this song courtesy of one of my Army buddies, I don't really like heavy rock that much, but it's quite relevant I think. Some guy made a music video of this song to clips from Jarhead, I think it's decently well done.

"I reach towards the sky, I've said my goodbyes
My heart's always with you now
I won't question why so many have died
My prayers have made it through yeah
Cause with all these things we do
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you"

And really, I think that was my attitude last summer, making it through training to return to the people I care about most. It kind of sucked when I didn't get to see them until towards the end of the year, but that's life - you don't always get what you want and things fade away, so I try to count the blessings I do have.

I feel like this Army thing has been going along in slow motion, but it's about to speed up dramatically. It'll be fine, I'm not complaining and I'm looking forward to the challenges and rewards, it's just interesting/weird how the tempo has been and how lengthy a period of time I have to set my personal business in order.

Iraq

I wish I didn't have to wait so long to deploy - found out last September, still won't be going for a while though I do have a bit of training coming up.

There are two viewpoints about Iraq - one that it's going to recover and reclaim the prosperity it had in the 50's and 60's, the other that insurgent groups and other terrorists are going to exploit the withdrawal and the country is going to devolve into complete chaos again. It'll definitely be an interesting time over there.

One year

It's been a year since basic training? wha?

Too blessed

- Paid trip to Washington DC
- Paid hotel
- Per diem for food
- Hanging out with State Department folks, military brass, and the US Ambassador to Guyana (who formerly served in Iraq)
- Learning more about Iraq
- Hanging out with grandma, aunts, and cousin
- Hanging out with Alicia
- Hanging out with other friends

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

What time did I wake up again? Finished packing, went to airport, got there an hour before departure, met up with Burkeen, Sisk, & Lenhausen and went through security.

Flight ended up getting delayed an hour/90 minutes due to storms in the Midwest. Landing in DC is kind of a hairy experience! All the banking, the fast approach to the airport, the bumpy landing, etc.

Took a while to get around Arlington and do stuff - see where we had to go, pick up some boots for someone whose bag got sent to San Francisco by mistake, ate dinner at Chevy's at Ballston Mall.

Just saw Johnny Lin, Jonny Hui, and Diana Chen! Left hotel around 9ish. Taking the Metro is kind of convenient, not sure how pricey the fares were though. It was a cool intersection of my military and civilian life, since Lenhausen and Roelofs went as well.

Will probably detail this more later, just wanted to write it down so I don't forget.

Inflight wifi - we must be living in the 21st century!

haha, I'd be so bored without it - it's a two hour flight or so and I slept through part of it, but awake now!

Photography

My friend Dan Clampitt - we used to eat pizza together and play video games back when I lived at House Taiwan, and eventually he got me to swing by a recruiter's office to see what the Army had to offer.

I think I've always had an interest in photography, even if I never seriously pursued it.

I actually lost my dad's nice film camera at the Auto Show several years ago (still need to find a suitable replacement), and lots of film pictures taken at church events with disposable or really cheap film cameras.



I guess I let my interest fade in college - everyone else has a point and shoot these days so everything used to be documented, and I spent all of my money on other things. Now that we're done, everyone's gone, time is starting to fly, and everything in the past is starting to meld together into a single stream. I'd like to be able to visually document things myself to help me remember, in addition to blogging and Google Calendar.

Photography's also a pretty fun hobby - it's a good use of a time when I'm bored, and it's a useful skill to have, as for future career... eh one step at a time, I think it will be helpful downrange. If only lenses weren't so expensive...

Balance

I really don't like posting my most private thoughts online but I think if there's been one predominant theme in my life that I grapple with, it's finding balance in everything. I mean, I'm up this late writing down my thoughts right?

I want to be productive, but I also need to relax. I want to hang out with all my good friends, but I need time alone to decompress. I enjoy being Ann Arbor, but I anticipate leaving the US for my deployment. Overall, what I think I struggle with most is trying to find the balance between allowing God's will in my life versus my attempts to meet Him. Where is the line? Perhaps I'm aware, but am simply too stubborn to realize it.

I try to have a positive outlook and joyful attitude in everything I do, one reason being that life is much more interesting and enjoyable that way, and the alternative is quite bitter and dreadful. That is, if God hasn't ordained a higher purpose to our communal existence here on Earth, then it's really a horrible waste of time. There's a quote by C.S. Lewis that I find striking - "It's hardly complimentary to God that we should choose Him as an alternative to Hell: yet even this He accepts."

If there is a point to existence, then let us be glad in it, even in our struggles! Even if God is simply testing our character, at least there's purpose. The fact that God has numbered the hairs on our head and the days of our lives, however long or short, should be a comfort. I must admit that I haven't always seen things this way, and it's not easy for me to do, but I gotta try.

Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Rudy

Marriage is an interesting and hopefully wonderful thing! It's interesting to think about, that you make this covenant with one person to have your lives intertwined and start a family. I try not to worry about it as much as I used to, but I do wonder how things will turn out. One of God's great mysteries I suppose!

Random hiatus

I try to keep my time occupied productively, relatively speaking, so I don't really jot down much of my thoughts anymore. At WLC, we only got 6 hours, usually less, of sleep a night, they packed a lot of information into the stuff we did during the day.

Also, I've been diving into the hobby of photography, and I must say I'm pretty pleased with the results, for the most part. I still have a lot to learn, but I'm getting some great pictures in my opinion.

The rain

When it rains cats and dogs outside like it did today, it reminds me of the landnav course at AIT, one of our first training exercises when I got there. Basically, land navigation involves plotting several points on a map, and then walking to the different locations and recording the markings on different markers, and there's a certain number you're supposed to get to in a certain amount of time.

When I did it during my stay at Fort Bragg, it started raining after we got to the field and dropped off some of our gear and headed out, and it steadily increased in volume as me and my battle buddy made our way to the first point. I can't remember all the details now, but it took us a damn long time to find it. Then, it REALLY started pouring, and lightening started to strike, so basically we had to hunker down and wait for the storm to diminish.

At some point either before or during the storm, I started freaking out, not about the weather or anything, but about how we had only gotten one point out of four-five we were supposed to find and that the deadline was going to pass. I must have really gotten on my partner's nerves when I panicked since he was a really chill dude, but I had (have) an extreme fear of failure.

Essentially, what I remember after that was that the rain cleared up, the time to find all the points was extended, and we ended up finding the majority of the points assigned to us and passing the whole deal without any problems. I think for me, it illustrated the futility of freaking out and also illuminated more about how I handle stress - I know everything will work out fine, but until things get resolved, boy my nerves are frayed.

Apparently landnav is emphasized in WLC, and the weather forecast for where I'm going will be continuously rainy. Deja Vu? I'm kind of stressed about getting ready for WLC. In no way am I freaking out, just a little frustrated that everything's happening at the last possible minute. On that note... back to packing!

Warrior Leader Course

About a year ago, I shipped off to Basic Training and AIT for Initial Entry Training to join the United States Army Reserve. I think that was one of the most formative experiences of my life to date, but I'm still learning. Every day brings something new.

This week, I will be attending the Warrior Leader Course, and assuming successful completion of the course I will be awarded the NCO Officer Development Ribbon. Still getting everything sorted out before I leave. I think the biggest challenge for me will be transitioning back to that strenuous training environment, and the fact that I'm moreso book-smart than street-smart, not that I was ever that much of an academic.

It was kind of a surprise to me that I would be going, especially this soon, but I guess slots opened up for my unit and I figured I'd jump on the opportunity. I don't know if I'm ready to be a sergeant and I can't get promoted to E-5 until August anyways, but we'll see how it goes and I should take any opportunity to train, learn, get paid, and move ahead in the Army that I can. If there's one thing I learned from training last summer, it's that I can accomplish the tasks demanded of me but not alone, not in my own power.

I think the contrast between the masculine, rigid environment of training and the "it doesn't matter if you were a soldier" atmosphere of filming for Red Dawn definitely taught me a lot about masculinity and respect, that is, it's not something you can simply earn. "You can respect the rank, but you don't have to respect the person" is something I've heard over and over again, and I've seen both sides of the coin, and I can't deny that I've landed on the asshole side myself.

It doesn't matter how much you trumpet yourself if no one's willing to listen to you. I guess it's kind of interesting to me - one of the reasons I enlisted was because I want to live a rich life experience, and have good stories that I can share with my good friends, and I gotta weigh that against the whole "flaunting myself" aspect of it.

Do I regret enlisting, even though I could have been an officer right off the bat? Not at all, I'm pretty content with the path that I've chosen, and it's always an option in the future. We'll see how things go from here.

It's interesting!

It is so interesting to me, and rather mysterious, the ways in which God's hand subtly influences our lives. Yes, we get what we need, and oftentimes what we want, but not necessarily in the form that we're expecting it in.

Manic Monday

- Made my first sale EVER
- Stayed late for work
- Accidentally missed the route to boomerwang's apartment so I had to go back
- Working on Ray's freaking website
- Run

Must stay busy!

I don't like posting thoughts in my blog, just stuff that's going on in my life. That being said, I've been wondering what it means to be a Christian man.

Well, we'll see.

Army plans are changing, throwing off other things I had planned this year.

My 5 year plan.

When I first arrived at my unit, one of my sergeants told me to have a five plan, to have something to look forward/focus on instead

2010 - attempt live a full life experience and reunite with friends, weddings
2011 - Iraq, Hurripan wedding
2012 - apply to law school, direct commission/OCS to become an officer
2014 - finish law school? join practice, start side business?
2015 - inactive status

2010!

I haven't posted in a while, I primarily started this blog to record all the notes from my journal during basic training.

I dunno, towards the beginning of the year I don't think the future looked so bright, but after a heart to heart with a dear friend of mine, I think I was able to vent most of the frustration that had accumulated over the years. It's interesting how improving your perspective, even things stay the same for the most part, really makes life that much more bearable.

I am thankful for my good friends, I don't know how to thank them enough for being in my life.

I think my new year's resolution is to be a better person, that's kind of vague though so I'm still hashing out the details.